


A Pregnant Pause

by storyplease



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Pregnancy, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 02:04:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6137547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storyplease/pseuds/storyplease
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Author’s Note: Uh, so I wrote this because a nice anon on Tumblr gave me a cute headcanon, so apologies for the fluff and angst and pregnancy-centric story (I know it’s not everyone’s thing), but omfg, I had to write it.</p>
    </blockquote>





	A Pregnant Pause

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: Uh, so I wrote this because a nice anon on Tumblr gave me a cute headcanon, so apologies for the fluff and angst and pregnancy-centric story (I know it’s not everyone’s thing), but omfg, I had to write it.

“I’m...er...not sure how to tell you this,” Hermione said, sitting down across from Severus with a deep shade of crimson darkening her cheeks, “but...I’ve confirmed it.  I’m...p...pregnant...”

It didn’t escape her notice how tightly he gripped the table, his jaw immediately set in a way that she knew meant he was grinding his teeth together slowly.

Finally, he seemed to relax and let out a deep breath.

“I...shall prepare the necessary potion,” he replied softly, turning around and taking a step towards his private potions lab.

Hermione felt as though her heart was about to stop.

“What do you mean?” she asked, her voice tiny and edged with sadness.

“Hermione, you know by now about my sordid past.  After that horrid book by that blasted Rita Skeeter was released,  _ everyone _ does.  I know that you accept me and all that entails, but...a child?  _ My _ child? That is a heavier burden than you should ever be expected to bear.”

He took another step, but Hermione could see how reluctantly he moved, how his shoulders sagged and his head was lowered with defeat.  She moved before she knew what she was doing and gripped the corner of his sleeve.

“ _ Please _ ,” she said, her voice growing insistent, “I think it would be a good idea for us both to give it some thought.  We’ve been together for a long time, Severus.  It’s been ten years since the final battle at Hogwarts and five years since you finally capitulated to my constant badgering to go out in public after you’d shut yourself in and refused to go out because of Skeeter’s stupid, inaccurate book.”

He turned back with a bewildered, wide-eyed expression; his hand searching for hers instinctively.  His thumb rubbed gently in a circle around her own and his lips twitched upwards ever so slightly before they relaxed into the bitter line that Hermione knew meant he was trying not to allow himself to hope for anything other than pain.

Finally, he spoke, his voice deep and gravelly as though he’d been crying, even though his face was calm and composed.

“Did you do this on purpose?”

Hermione snatched away her hand and looked at him with disbelief.

“What?! No! How could you ever say that I would-” She stared up at him, her eyes stinging with tears, “Severus, do you think that  _ poorly _ of me?”

His eyes widened and he wrung his hands together, betraying his anxiety.

“No! I...I just had to be...sure...” he trailed off, looking away with shame.

“Well, look, here! Is that sure enough for you?!” Hermione said angrily, pulling a couple of thin, flat pieces of paper from her bag and throwing them onto the table, “or are you going to accuse me of getting knocked up by some other bloke in an attempt to force you to play the father?!  That’s why I didn’t ask you to go with me to the appointment, you know! Because I wanted to be absolutely sure before you stomped all over my heart with your thoughtless, callous words!”

She turned around, her eyes filled with angry tears, and stomped out of the room.

Before she slammed the door, though, she could hear the catch in his throat as his fingers brushed against the still, black-and-white images from the muggle sonogram, and she hated herself for feeling her heart soar at the thought that maybe, somehow, he’d change his mind.

* * *

 

The knock was soft at her door, but Hermione’s eyes immediately opened wide and she turned towards the sound of it.

“It’s me, Hermione,” Severus said softly from the other side of the door.

She could tell, even from this far away, that he was filled with guilt and sadness.

She always could, somehow.  It was why she’d refused to give up on him when he’d insisted on being a shut-in.

‘Good,’ she thought vindictively to herself, ‘After how appallingly he’s behaved, he deserves to suffer a bit.’

“Please,” he said, his voice thick with pain, “let me in.  I...have behaved terribly and I would like to try to make it up to you.”

“Fine,” Hermione said, finally, pointing her wand at the door and unlocking it from afar, “but I reserve the right to kick your bony arse out of here if you insist on acting like a git.”

He entered quietly, more like a shadow than an actual person.  

“I suppose I deserve that,” he said softly, his voice carefully controlled.

She turned and looked at him sideways from where she was lying on top of the duvet.

“Severus, do you even know how hurtful those things you said were?” Her voice trembled slightly, and she hated how poorly she was controlling her emotions.

“Yes...” he trailed off, standing in the middle of the room like a chastened wraith. “But....Hermione...I would be a terrible father. I have only ever known abuse and cruelty from my own parents. I was a right arsehole as a professor.  How could I ever be any different with a child of my own?”

“Severus, do you believe in free will?” Hermione asked, and he looked up, his face puzzled.

“What does that have to do with-” 

“Do you believe in free will, Severus?” Hermione repeated.

Severus moistened his lips and furrowed his brow in thought.

“I...yes. I do not think that fate is nearly as important as what one decides to do.”

“Then why do you believe that you are helpless in how you can behave?” Hermione replied gently. “If you truly do not wish to be a terrible parent, then you can learn to control yourself, just like you learned how to make potions, create spells and control your thoughts with occlumency. None of us are born knowing everything about everything.  None of us are able to magically become good at something without putting effort into it.”

“But-”

“The only question, Severus,” Hermione continued, looking at him steadily with serious amber eyes, “is whether or not you are willing to put that effort into it.”

“I...” Severus stared at her, his face torn between an expression of terror and hope.

“Do you want a family with me?” Hermione asked softly, glad that her voice was calmer than her frantically beating heart. “Would you like to raise a child or children together? Do you really want me to take that potion, Severus? For me to pretend it never happened?”

In a moment, he closed the distance between them and was bending down on his knees next to her bed, his arms thrown around her as he nestled his face against her breast.

“I want  _ you _ , Hermione,” he whispered painfully, “I want to be with you, and I want what you want.  I still believe that I am not father material in any sense of the word, but...if this is what you want...with me...I will do my best to be there for you in whatever capacity you need.”

Hermione stroked his hair as he nestled into her with a deep sigh of pleasure and felt her lip quiver involuntarily with a sensation between sadness and fear of the future to come.

“I...want you,” she started, her voice hesitant, “but...I’ve also thought a lot about it and...I want  _ this _ too.”

She took hold of his hand in hers and moved it to her abdomen slowly until she could feel the pressure and warmth of his hand upon it.

“Do you think...you could try?” Hermione asked, meeting his eyes with her own and leaning down slightly until their foreheads were touching. “If you don’t want me afterwards, I have enough money in my Gringotts account and friends and family who will help me take care of the baby on my own.  I won’t force you to be a father.”

He hugged her firmly around her middle in response to this and shook his head, his eyes set with determination.

“As long as you are certain,” he said fiercely, “I will never leave your side.  I will always be there for you in any capacity you need me.  I will protect you.  I will claim our child as mine.  I will follow the rules that you set, and you can feel free to hex me if I ever step out of line.”

Hermione felt herself smile even as her eyes swam with tears.

“I’m sorry, Hermione. Was that not satisfactory?” Severus replied, his voice sharp with pain, “Please, do not cry.  I do not want to hurt you anymore.”

“I’m not sad, Severus,” Hermione replied, squeezing him tightly in her arms, “I’m...just...so happy that you feel the same way about me that I feel about you.  I do not wish to be parted from your side.  I do not want to lose you, Severus, and even though I did not plan for this pregnancy, I am eternally grateful that you are willing to try this with me.”

“For you,  _ anything _ ,” he breathed back, his natural severe expression growing soft with affection.

* * *

 

Severus kept his word for the duration of Hermione’s pregnancy.  He went with her to every appointment.  He read book upon book about pregnancy and parenting on both the muggle and magical side of society.  He stayed by her side when she was ill, and he brewed anti-nausea droughts for her that would not affect the fetus.  He brought her odd foods when she had cravings, even though she always laughed and told him that he didn’t need to do it.

“I didn’t need to do it. I wanted to do it,” he would say each time, his lips quirking upwards in a smile. “When I said I would do  _ anything _ for you, Hermione, I truly did mean anything.”

He did his best to make her feel safe and pampered and cared for, and he found himself growing more and more fond of the thought of parenting as he watched her belly grow more swollen with his child.

Even though he still had the nightmares, the ones where he was his father, and he was screaming and hitting a tiny version of himself that looked at him with terror and hate.

When she went into labor, he was by her side at an instant, and when his son was handed to him for the first time, his face screwed up in a very familiar, baby version of his own scowl, Severus felt his eyes fill with tears that he could not stop no matter how hard he tried to hold them back.  The baby fussed and cried until he shifted the infant into a more comfortable position, and it was then that the baby dozed, his little soft breaths puffing against his arm.  The Medi-witch bathed and weighed his son, as the healer helped Hermione with the rest of the after-birthing process, but Severus followed his son everywhere, silent and imposing like a dark guardian angel.  The Medi-witch finally wrapped the baby and handed him back to Severus, who kissed the baby on the forehead, smiling when the babe wrinkled his nose in sleep.  

“I will always protect you, little one,” he said so softly that he was certain no one could hear as his heart swelled with love, “I love you more than life itself.”

* * *

 

He didn’t see Hermione watching him cuddling his newborn son, her eyes filled with happy tears as she smiled knowingly.

After all, he never  _ could _ hide his true nature from her, even if he was good at hiding it from himself.

 


End file.
